If you are in the world of my band, Native Harrow, maybe you heard that we made a new album. It is a collection of 12 songs from our catalogue recorded with just two acoustic guitars and my voice. We decided to title the album, Like Never Before: Duo Acoustic Volume One. It will be released on May 30th and the first single, If I Could (Acoustic) has been out for a week! You can hear it wherever you like to listen to music these days. Youtube, Spotify, Amazon, Apple, SoundCloud, Deezer…
This set of songs was recorded almost immediately following the final days of recording for Divided Kind, our most recent studio album which came out in September. We were in the last few months of our time living over in England and we were tracking everything at home. It was during both of these recording sessions that I experienced a post viral tension disorder in my voice and the muscles that surround my larynx. The pain and difficulty that this caused me when singing and even when talking was life altering. I had to take many weeks of vocal silence, I spent months in physical therapy, vocal and speech therapy, massage therapy, and breathing rehabilitation lessons. At the time, there were days where I was not sure how I would continue my career if it didn’t improve.
There are times when we encounter things that are unplanned and we are completely unprepared for them. When this happens it is so deeply difficult that we lose ourselves in the fear, the what ifs, the panic, the anxiety, and the utter heartbreaking sadness of it. I felt all of that and more. I felt stripped bare, lost of my sense of identity, my belief in my future, and truly adrift. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with most people and have only recently begun sharing with colleagues and acquaintances. It was tough, no one knew what to say to me. Trying to explain what my voice means to me would leave people speechless and afraid of me. If I couldn’t sing anymore, what purpose did my life have?
When I say it was a dark time, it was a dark time. The stress and anguish that I experienced was remarkable. I owe my recovery and the place I am writing this from today to my absolutely incredible strength and resolve. Throughout my life my determination to not ever let something external make me quit this career & life I have chosen is the only thing that has allowed me to continue at times. Thankfully, I received amazing care and guidance from the teachers, doctors, and therapists that I have worked so diligently with over the last two years to recover my voice and continue my work as a singer and a songwriter. I also would not have survived without my husband and partner, Stephen, who has truly been the strong wall that I have leaned on, cried to, and relied on to get through this. His belief in me and his positivity have always been a balm for me and especially in this period of my life.
Through all of this I have learned a great deal. About myself, about life, about being an artist and getting down to the root of what that really means, about singing and the voice, about stress, and about who is really there when things fall apart. I am grateful in a way for this experience as it brought me closer to my truth and woke me up from things I was letting slide in life. I curated a long list of quotes from other performers and artist while I watched or listened to hundreds of hours of interviews with people who inspire me, I read about how theatre performers take care of their bodies and voices so that they can perform 8 shows a week, I wrote my own words of motivation and consent to live my truth. I started therapy after years of people-pleasing, pain from my childhood, and trauma from being a ballerina for 17 years. These things have all re-righted my alignment on my journey and allowed me to find myself, my true self, once more.
When I listen back to this acoustic album, Like Never Before, as well as Divided Kind, I am so proud of that woman singing her heart out. I remember how painful and how truly difficult those days tracking vocals were. I remember how scared I was. I remember those things and yet, now I hear a woman who is real. Who sounds beautiful in spite of how she feels, who is giving her all to her performance so that it might reach others. I am moved by these recordings, now. I give myself grace to be real and in that I think have achieved something worth believing in.
What is life if not one long lesson? I carry these new lessons with me now and can really feel that after working like a brand new student of life for the last 2 years, I have found a space where I can shine. When you are a creative, a performer, someone who stands on stage, in the spotlight; people you meet, people in your life, strangers will try to quiet you. They will try to make you small. And sometimes it works. I got so used to feeling like I was keeping others from shining that I just stopped letting my light out. I made myself small, I got quiet, I lost the part of me that seemed to be a problem for others. That was my biggest lesson: learning that anyone who does that to me has to go. So I am no longer apologizing for my career, my talent, my face, my ideas, myself. You get all of me, or none of me. The choice is yours.
I would love to now share with you some of the words that I have carried with me on this journey of healing. They have been like talismans that really helped me and made boundary building with both myself and others more clear and consistent. They have reminded me that what I am doing is important worthwhile work, and that no matter what I am doing or creating, I am an artist.
The level of confidence dictates the level of achievement
The price you pay for being easygoing is not getting what you want. Try and be a little unreasonable. Fight for the life you want.
The life you want requires balance, discipline, and consistency
This chapter of my life is titled “My Turn”
My turn to be seen
My turn to occupy space
My turn to unlearn shrinking myself
My turn to shine my light
My turn to tap into my greatest asset: my authentic self
I am an artist, therefore I choose faith over fear.
I am good at this
I love my voice
The world needs what I have to give
If they aren’t cheering for you, they’re not your friends.
You have to be UNBELIEVABLY DISCIPLINED. You have to stick to your routine, that is where you find freedom and you know what you need every day and every night to get to the next show. It’s for right now, it won’t be for forever. What a gift for right now. You will be able to look back and say you did it well. You put your whole self into it. You won’t remember the parties etc. you will remember the integrity that you have.
Let the voice that knows you’re good enough and meant to do this be louder than the critic.
(Apologies that I don’t have the names of the brilliant minds that shared these. When I jotted them down it was for my personal use. Just know they are all spoken by creatives and artists out there doing amazing things.)
My hope in sharing this here is to open up a little more. Be honest and real about my journey and while we usually keep things pretty private, I would like to share this in hopes that it might help anyone who is going through it in their own way. I know that hearing others’ stories really helped me when my heart was aching and afraid. I know that what I shared may seem dark and sad. That’s ok, it was. But the beautiful thing is that I am here sharing new music with you, I am happy, and I am on my way again. We are nearly done recording our next studio album here in Philadelphia and I couldn’t be more excited and proud to still be doing this. I’ve been on stage since I was 3, I don’t intend to stop anytime soon.
Wishing you a beautiful start to Spring and the strength to keep the hope in these strange times.
Big love,
DLT
Thank You for sharing this part of your journey. This is one of the many many reasons I have such deep and profound admiration of you as an artist and woman. 💖🌟